success is defined by money or education

Asking me if the students I tutor are successful is like asking the pilots of the Enola Gay if they think they did the right thing.

All day in my head while at AVID:

Well, she isn’t going to make it her first semester of college with writing like that, IF she even gets accepted.. They are still making them write entrance essays right? Holy shit, does he honestly think the NFL is just four years away? Ehh, who am I to squash a dream so long as he gets a degree while playing in college. All that studying together and she STILL couldn’t pull off anything better than a C, why did I quiz her for three hours last week?! I reeeaaally don’t believe in this Cornell Note taking business, but it is better than no notes I guess. How can I teach something I don’t believe in? Wait, Daddy talked to me about this last night while I was screaming about the AVID teacher’s Teaching Philosophy. Right, right..I’ll be teaching plenty I don’t believe in if I stick with AVID. And also pouring time and energy into kids who won’t make it much passed the stage at graduation, as far as their education is concerned.

To you, some of these kids might seem like a failure when compared to other students. But for them, graduating or simply passing a test is a success.
1. The girl who couldn’t write- She has made VAST improvements since I found her in the beginning of the year. She now knows what a contraction is and how not to use one. And writing a thesis statement is no longer a challenge. Success.
2. The kid who will be the next Payton Manning- He is graduating with a 3.7 and has a full ride to a smaller college in North Carolina. Might I include, he is the first to graduate out of all of his older brothers, three of which are serving time for drugs. Success.
3. Girl who ONLY made a C- Well, she has failed the last two tests in AP Geo. After I showed her an organized way to take notes and study, SHE PASSED!!! OH, and spent a total of three hours last week preparing her for the test. Success.

You might think that all of these kids are unsuccessful. I do too on occasion, but only when I compare them to myself, and my friends. Then I realize I’m in a different place. I step back and look at what they have accomplished, or what they were able to improve on. And every single one of them, except the ones who CLEARLY don’t need to be in the program, have made progress. But, who am I to decide who needs it and who doesn’t? If they can show improvement in this classroom, then I guess it is a success. I did edit the first draft of the valedictorian’s speech last week, and together, we made some improvements, success.

But, why is the valedictorian in a tutoring program? He is probably pretty smart, and developed study habits early in his schooling. So what business does he have getting extra help? Well, I don’t have an answer. And his speech is the only thing I have ever helped him with-other than applying for college, and searching for scholarships. But, whatever, he doesn’t cause trouble, he is quiet, he calls me ma’am (still getting used to this one), and he ran to McDonalds that one time and brought me back a caramel latte. He can stay.

When people ask me if the misguided, jaded, underprivileged, tainted, ill-mannered kids at my Title 1 school are successful, I proudly say yes-and know that my definition of success is different than theirs.

cutting 12th grade...

Who needs senior year? I mean, it’s when we start to slack because after 13 years of schooling, we’re tired. Are we really taking challenging classes? Or are we just filling out college and scholarship applications. Senior year is when we can finally breathe, because “it’s almost over”. Well, actually, it’s just beginning.

Our senior year of high school is critical. Senior year is spent mentally preparing for college. Senior year means insuring our GPA is where it needs to be. Senior year means securing those college acceptances and scholarship opportunities. I’ll admit, I didn’t learn many “scholarly” things the second half of my senior year. But I sure did write a lot of college entrance essays, and spent a lot of time researching where I wanted to spend the next four (I’m currently attending USF-so FIVE) years.

So when Sen. Chris Buttars, of Utah, actually thinks that cutting senior year is a legitimate budget cut, I kinda wanna punch him in the face a little bit. Journalist Amy Stewart reports:

He made a dramatic pitch during Monday's Public Education Appropriations Subcommittee meeting, saying killing off 12th grade would save the state $102 million."You're spending a whole lot of money for a whole bunch of kids who aren't getting anything out of that grade," Buttars said. "It comes down to the best use of money."

Also, I’d just like to point out that junior year will become the new senior year. Kids will just mentally check out earlier. I tutor some football players that signed with their college of choice two weeks ago. Yeah, getting them to do any work right now is pretty challenging because they know all they have to do is graduate. But as long as they are showing up, putting in just a little effort and playing the “school game” just enough to please me, then I’m happy. I don’t need A+’s right now, I just need them to participate. And, well, they busted their asses on the field and in the classroom to get where they are right now so I’ll let them take a little break before their freshman year of college where they will be crying to come back home. They deserve it. Students deserve a senior year. It’s a little R&R before a whole new place and a whole new game is the focus.

So, Sen. Buttars, shove it. Maybe you and your job should be on the budget cut list.

dealing with parents is best when they aren't drunk

Take ‘em out back, line ‘em up, and blow their heads off.. Drunk soccer and cheerleader moms, of course, not my students. I love my second job. Bar tending is USUALLY the easiest, fast-paced, fun money one can make. But sometimes, like this weekend, we have the most useless bunch of prols staying in the hotel (I work at a hotel bar). 46 15-16 year old soccer playing males, 83 14-15 year old stunt practicing (IN MY LOBBY!) annoying girls. But that’s the part I can ignore. What I can’t ignore are their belligerent moms spilling cosmos and beer nuts all over the place. I actually closed the bar early as to not get fired for knocking some mini-van driving, irresponsible, excuse for a mother out. Patience is something that the classroom can teach over time. But last night, my patience was nowhere to be found. I’ll admit, the one other idiot I was working with (Chris) has put in his two weeks, so he doesn’t care about much right now, and I KNOW that didn’t help my mood last night. But after I caught one soccer player, and one cheerleader all but having sex in a back stairway while their wine chugging mothers were falling off of a stool at my bar, I was just about ready to start giving parenting lessons. But instead, I told the kids to take the party upstairs, cashed both their mothers out and had them escorted to their rooms for the night. I am almost hoping the kids were in one of the rooms finishing up what they started on the stairs.


Last call wasn’t mentioned; I just started putting liquor bottles away and passed out checks. I told them the lights would be out in five minutes. And then ever so pleasantly reminded them that their children had to be at the fairgrounds in less than six hours, and that our front desk has a wakeup call service that I strongly suggested they use. Chris was PISSED. So were three mothers. The rest did shoddy math on the backs of receipts; they still got their totals wrong. The three moms were convinced I was supposed to be open for another hour, and they were correct. And I might have reconsidered, gone to the back and taken another shot, and stayed for the next hour simply for the money and to laugh when I hear about all the kids who didn’t make it to their early tournament because their mothers don’t drink like this but twice a year and were not able to get out of bed. But the women, two who had on watches, and all three cell phones sitting on the counter couldn’t prove what time it was. FAIL. You lose bitch, go to bed. Chris was pissed because he was missing out on an hour of tips, I told him to take a look at his signed checks, and that the next hour wouldn’t be worth it. I thought he was pissed when I told him we were closing, well he was at an all new level of pissed when he saw how much money these moms weren’t leaving. I just laughed at his shocked face and continued re-corking wine bottles.


Now, normally I only have to deal with business men, as we are located in a business park. And these men stay for one or two weeks at a time, so they take good care of their hotel staff, as anyone sleeping, eating, and drinking in the same place for two weeks would. I love them. When they get drunk they just quietly walk upstairs to bed. They don’t spill shit. They don’t order martinis. And they don’t forget to put their kids to bed for an early competition the next day.
So, after a night like this I remember why I’ll be teaching one day. Because those kids look up to me. Those kids listen when I have something to say. Those kids NEED help, and normally ask for it. Those kids can still be saved from becoming drunken soccer moms.


We had Valentine’s Day parties on Friday with all but the Freshman classes. They brought me Valentines. It was so cute. But I was sure to not let the teacher find out that I got, overwhelmingly, more cards and candy from her students than she did. Maybe if she had their respect, and was a little nicer… I love my AVID kids. They are the best. I can’t wait to go in on Monday morning and tutor young minds that appreciate what they do have, because it isn’t much. However, Sunday night, I’ll be working a soccer banquet that starts at nine, and is supposed to go until midnight. Including, you guessed it, a CASH BAR. Yeah, that’ll be closing early.

choosing to tutor

Why do I choose to tutor? Because part of me can still see potential in every student. Part of me can still imagine improvement in even the seemingly hopeless ones. Part of me does this because I feel that the education system is ready for a change and it has to start somewhere. But mostly I do it because it is conducive to my schedule, pays pretty well, is convenient, and honestly is good experience for when I teach.

I have seen all kinds of teachers. Good examples, bad examples, teachers that have no business in the classroom, teachers that just want to be their student’s friends. I have chosen to mentally note the good qualities of teachers I find productive, and also the qualities I plan on never acquiring. I have seen teachers walk in on the first day and get eaten alive, the next ten months was quite hard to watch. But I have seen also teachers walk into classrooms that other teachers have quit on and turned the students around in just one lecture on behavior and respect. That is who I want to be.

Before I started working at a Title 1 school, I never, EVER, in ONE BILLION YEARS dreamed that I could step into a classroom full of students that look nothing like me and are only two years younger and make them listen and have their respect. But beyond respect, they look up to me. Yes, I help them with their school work, that is my job, but I also have helped them with personal problems in their lives when they did not think they had anyone else to go to. They trust me completely, they put me on a pedestal, and they honestly think I have all of the answers; so quite frequently, I pretend I do.

I realize that tutoring is different from teaching in that I am only reinforcing a concept, and the classes are not mine. The teacher is in the room working with students one on one. But getting the students into groups keeping them focused on the tutorial while I am helping another group is no easy feat. High schoolers have a very short attention span, this is something that I have learned to accept. I have also learned to accept that some days they won’t work in groups and as long as they are QUIETLY working on their homework, listening to an iPod that isn’t the end of the world. I have also accepted that some of them are going to fail, and it isn't worth my effort. You can’t save 'em all. Which works for me, because someone needs to be making the frostys at Wendy's.

I have seen a lot of things that will be helpful when I do have my own classroom. I have seen the promise in some of these kid’s eyes. It is something that is pretty encouraging. Yes, the 1st graders learning the numbers and letters is adorable and they get more excited than Grandma on BINGO night, but nothing beats knowing you turned a kid's life around because you asked a few questions and pointed them in the right direction after showing them that all hope is NOT lost, and that’s why I do it.