fighting

As I mentioned in my last blog, I have a set of students that physically fights every time they break up. It really breaks my heart. I can’t say much, but they are both currently pissed at me, not speaking to each other, and I am sitting here hoping I did the right thing.

I remember not knowing how to control my temper at times, and just figuring out that I have hormones-and far too many than I even knew what to do with most of the time. I remember wanting to kill this douche in my third period because he was so mean to many of the students in the class. And he picked on them because they understood the math we were doing..that idiot didn’t.

But what I don’t remember is ever fighting with another student. Sure, my brothers and I rolled around and kind of fought when we were little, but we were kids. And no one was ever seriously hurt. Last Friday in AVID we did a Socratic Circle. It was about bullying and fighting-this was the chosen topic because my school has had a lot of issues with this topic lately. The upstairs bathrooms are locked because there isn’t enough man power to patrol them and keep them safe. And seniors are losing privileges like leaving five minutes early, or sitting outside at lunch to try and curb the behavior. Next thing to go may be prom.

During the lesson the teacher asked for everyone to raise their hand if they had NEVER been in a fight. Three hands went up. The teacher. The other tutor. And mine. Every single student had been at fight at some point? Wait, I lied, three kids raised their hands too, but were quickly called out for “that ho back in middle school,” or “that one time we were with my cousin.” We were back to only the adults in the classroom being able to raise their hands.

I can’t help but wonder how this all happened. Is it cultural? Had things really gone that downhill since I graduated only a short 4 years ago? I don’t want to make it about race, but all of the students are black…the teacher, tutor, and myself-all white. We were quickly made fun of because we had never fought. Fine by me. I like my face the way it is, and don’t see the need for unnecessary bruising over a boy. Not to mention at a certain age, jail time if someone wants to press charges. What can be so goddamned important that it couldn’t possibly be solves with words?

This needs to change. I am about to make broad, likely offensive statements. So just quit now if you’re going to get your feelings hurt or judge me for what I say because you aren’t working with the kids I am.

I love my inner-city, Title I school, they have a need for me, unlike a Plant or an IB program. Making a difference there is far more likely. However, I listen to the music most of those kids do, I hear the drug, violence, and gang references. I drive through the neighborhoods on the way to school that they live in. I see the cops on the corner. I hear about the drug deals after school. I have read the essays they write for the hardship scholarships about Daddy being in jail because he beat the shit out of Mommy. And Mommy not being able to keep a job for this reason or that. I see, over and over, these kids go without just because no one is there to provide. I would be hostile too. I would skip school too. I would sell drugs too. I would steal shit because I didn’t have money too.

No one teaches them right from wrong. But that doesn’t excuse the behavior, or make it ok. Fighting=not ok. Serious drugs=not ok. Getting arrested before the age of 16=not ok. Being a mother at 14 because that’s how old your mom was when she had you=not ok. Yeah, I’m judging the shit out of these kids and their choices. But what I am not doing is writing them off. I care. I want them to know it’s not too late. And I so badly want them to know right from wrong, and choose right more often than not.